


love can kill you (it's just not common)

by Emilyray1997



Category: Riverdale (TV 2017)
Genre: F/F, Friends to Lovers, Hanahaki Disease, hanahaki
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-13
Updated: 2020-04-16
Packaged: 2020-05-07 07:39:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 12
Words: 9,767
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19204879
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Emilyray1997/pseuds/Emilyray1997
Summary: When the southside students transfer to riverdale high, Cheryl Blossom doesn't expect to develop a crush on a southsider and she doesn't expect that crush to make her sick. And once that sickness is gone, will it ever come back.





	1. Queen of the Buskers

**Author's Note:**

> This is my second fic and I'm more proud of it than the last one. It's another Hanahaki AU and it's kind of a trainwreck but I'm here for it. Chapters are short but there will be a bunch of chapters and its going to switch between different characters points of view sometimes but it will mainly be from Cheryls POV. Cheryl and Sweetpea being together isn’t major and is part of her discovery she doesn’t get a happily ever after with him. I’m aware Cheryl is a lesbian but also aware in alternate universes we can make the characters do things out of character. That being said I’m not trying to erase her being a lesbian I am just using it as a story mover and she will mention how it doesn’t feel right to be with him. Please keep all negative comments to yourself or I will delete them. This does have a happy ending if you just stick around.

Cheryl POV.  
When the news of the Southsiders transferring up to Riverdale high hit the presses, I was not happy about it at all. In fact, I arm myself with football players and march myself down the stairs right to where the registration is.   
“Cheryl, no one invited fascist Barbie to the party.” Veronica says and I can’t help but smile as brightly as she can manage, my eyes scanning the crowd of miscreants.   
“Wrong, Veronica, nobody invited Southside scum to our school. So why don’t you do us all a favor and find some other school to debase with your hard scrabble ways?” I announce, moving my hands and smiling like I’m addressing a crowd of adoring fans, despite the fact that these people probably all hate me. They can hate me all they want, after what they did to Jason I hate them too.   
“Why don’t you come over here and say that to my face?” A girl with pink hair says, stepping to the front of the crowd. I let my eyes flick over her once, despite the fact that my mother has warned me of deviance I can tell this girl is a beautiful spitfire.   
“Happily, Queen of the Buskers.” I say with mock enthusiasm. I’m not afraid that she’ll hit me, I’m more afraid that I’ll get lost in those beautiful chocolate eyes. God, focus Cheryl.   
Before anything else can happen, Principal Weatherbee is breaking us up and we’re all going our separate ways. I see her later, laughing with her friends at lunch, but not eating. She sits two rows behind me in AP English. She sits three seats to the right of me in Homeroom. She’s everywhere I look in the halls, just turning around a corner. There’s something about her that draws me towards her, like a magnet. If mother dearest ever found out, god knows she’d kill me.   
“Are you okay, Cheryl?” Josie asks as I cough during AP English, last class of the day and all I can think about is the back of Toni’s head.   
“I’m fine, just an itch in my throat.” I say, swallowing down hard. Josie hands me a bottle of water with a small smile and that seems to help, but every time I look at Toni Topaz, the tickle comes right back.   
At the end of the day I see her getting into her motorbike and I let myself stare for a minute at how beautiful she is, just studying her body.   
“Cher, you okay?” Josie says, resting a hand on my shoulder and I nod.   
“Most definitely, just trying to figure out a way to rid our school of this plague.”   
“Okay girl, you want to go to Pops?” She says with a laugh and I shake my head.   
“No, I’m not feeling grand. I think I’ll just head home for the day.” I say and she smiles softly at me.   
“Of course, rain check. Feel better Cheryl!” She exclaims as she walks away. I give her a little wave before going over to my car. Toni is still in the parking lot, messing around with the goons she calls friends. She doesn’t glance my way at all, until I try to start my car and nothing happens. She doesn’t glance over because nothing happens, but she does look over when I start to scream.  
“God damn it you’ve got to be kidding me!” I yell, slamming my hands against the steering wheel. I sit there for a moment, in my cherry red convertible, and stare off into the distance to try and think about what to do.   
“Hey, Red?” A gruff voice says and I turn my head to see the fall one, string bean or something, standing outside my car. “You having car problems? Toni sent me over, I’m Sweet Pea.”  
“Cheryl. And yes, it won’t start.” I say quietly, a little concerned about having him so close to my car but I’m entirely too tired to worry about appearances now.   
“Pop the hood?” He asks and I nod, reaching down and pulling the lever. He goes around the front of the car and looks around under the hood for a few minutes. “Good news, Red, it seems like an easy fix. Just a wire came off your battery. Sometimes those things don’t like to stay on the terminals as they get old. I’ll uh, tighten it up and then it should start.” He says, walking around to the passenger side so he can see me while he talks. I nod at him.   
“Thank you.” I say quietly and he smiles.   
“It’s no problem.”   
A few minutes go by and then he’s closing the hood. “Give it a try now?” He asks and I turn the key, smiling brightly when the car roars to life.   
“Thank you so much, can I do anything to repay you?” I ask, although the Serpents themselves are fiends who let my father kill my brother, this one doesn’t seem too bad.   
“Nah, Red, it’s okay. I’ll see you around though.” He says and I watch him walk back over to his bike where Toni is waiting on hers. They’re the last two left, the parking lot has really thinned out. Toni catches me staring and offers a small wave. I smile big and wave back at her and force myself to swallow down this itch in my throat.


	2. Falling easy

Toni POV  
Cheryl Blossom is a lot of things, damaged is one of those things though. I can see it in her eyes when she snapped at me first thing this morning. I saw it again in her eyes when she was slamming her hands against her steering wheel.  
“Hey Pea, can you go see if she’s okay? I think she’s having car trouble.” I say and he looks over at Cheryl.   
“You want me to check on her? She hates our guts.” he says surprised and I shrug.  
“So lets prove her wrong, go check on her.” I say and he huffs.  
“Fine, but you’re buying me dinner.” He says pointing at me and I laugh.  
“I was already buying you dinner Sweets!” I yell after him. I watch him pop the hood and fix the car. Watch her smile at him when it starts up. He walks back towards me with a smile.   
“See, she didn’t kill you Pea.” I say and he laughs.   
“She kinda hot Toni.” He says and I laugh.   
“Yeah I noticed that.”

Cheryl POV  
I wake up in the middle of the night coughing and in a cold sweat. I cough until something comes up, a few pink petals.   
“Oh dear Cheryl, that isn’t good.”  
“Nana?” I ask, turning on the lamp on my nightstand and look up at Nana Rose, who is wheeling herself towards my bed.   
“It’s that cursed Hanahaki. Your brother had it. Your mother had it. Of course, they healed it in different ways.” She says, taking the wet petals from my hands.   
“What ways?” I ask quietly.   
“Well your mother had the surgery, it took away all of her feelings and it turned her into this horrid person. Your brother, well his love got reciprocated. Polly chose him so his flowers went away.” Nana says   
“I’m still confused Nana, what is this?” I ask quietly.   
“One sided love, whether real or perceived Cheryl dear. You’ve met your soulmate and they either don’t love you or you don’t think they love you. No one knows why but it makes these flowers grow in your chest, and you cough them up when you think too hard about the one who has your affections.”  
“So to fix it there’s surgery or they love me back? What if those don’t happen?”  
“Well you’d die Cheryl, the roots would render your heart unable to move, fill your lungs up so you can’t breathe. Six months is all it takes.” She says as she starts to wheel away. “I wouldn’t tell your mother if I were you, she’ll make you cut out the part of you that makes you who you are.” She says and then she gone. Out of my room and down the hall, leaving me alone in my room in a cold sweat. 

“Cousin Betty, I need your assistance.” I say as I approach her locker. She looks at me with raised eyebrows.   
“What is it, Cheryl?”   
“I was wondering if you’d be able to help me with a little research on a thing called Hanahaki disease.”   
“Hanahaki? Isn’t that the one with the flowers?” She asks confused.   
“Well Jesus, does everyone know about this except me?” I ask, throwing my hands to the side and clearing my throat. “Look Betty, my Nana is a lovely woman but her brains not all there and my mother is a vindictive witch meaning all I have is you and these petals that I have miraculously coughed up.” I whisper yell at her.   
“Okay, come with me. I’ll help.” She says, taking my hand and leading me to the library.   
Once in the library, the back of the library, Betty pulls out an old medical book and hands it over.   
“I did some research on it for Polly once. She saw Jason cough up flowers and got worried. It’s not well known but it’s all in here.” Betty says, handing me the book. “There’s a surgery but it wipes the memories of your love from you completely. A lot of people kill themselves.” She says and I nod. Reading a book that has all the same information Nana Rose already told me.   
“How fast does it progress?” I ask, still staring at pictures of roots in hearts.   
“No one lives past six months once it starts. First few weeks is petals, then flowers sometimes attached to stems you’ll have to cut and sometimes not attached to anything. Then comes the blood and the chest pains, shortness of breath, difficulty speaking because of throat soreness, and then eventually it leads to death.” She explains and I nod. “Who is it?” She whispers and I glance at her.   
“I can’t say. They won’t ever love me back anyways.” I say and she nods.   
“Jason thought Polly wouldn’t love him either but she did and that fixed it.” Betty says.   
“He still died, and my mother would kill me. Besides, this person would never love me and I don’t want them to blame themselves when I’m gone. That would be cruel.” I say and she nods at me, placing a hand on mine.   
“Just let me know what you need Cheryl.”


	3. Time for bonding

Cheryl POV  
Days go by of coughing petals into rags whenever I think about or see Toni Topaz. It honestly is an annoying disease, but I know it’ll go from inconvenient to deadly in a matter of time. The petals come in clumps now, closer to whole flowers than just little petals, and Betty is always nearby watching. Handing me waters or escorting me out of rooms when the coughs don’t subside easily. The first time I cough up a tulip, Betty is there rubbing circles on my back and telling me it’ll be okay. We have to cut the stem, but it’s not very firm and the feeling of it slithering back down my throat is something I wish I didn’t have to deal with.   
“There’s no blood yet Cher, that’s a good sign.” She whispers and I sigh.   
“It’s only been two weeks Betty, the blood doesn’t normally come until month two when the flowers start to pick up.” I mutter.   
“You could tell them. Or at least tell me who it is? Maybe just try and get closer with them and see what happens?” Betty says and I can see the concern in her eyes.   
“It’s Toni.” I offer up and Betty looks at me confused.   
“I don’t know any guys name Tony.” She says and I roll my eyes.   
“God get out of your heteronormative headspace Betty, it’s Toni Topaz.” I say and she smiles at me softly.   
“You could tell her?”   
“Or I could not.” I bite back and she shrugs.   
“Whatever you want Cher.”

Betty POV  
I know Cheryl doesn’t want to get close to Toni, but how else is she going to live? “Hey Toni!” I yell, jogging over to her.   
“What’s up Ponytail?” Sweetpea asks and I shrug.   
“Just wanted to know what you guys think of Cheryl Blossom?” I say as innocent as possible.   
“Bombshell? She’s hot.” Sweetpea says and Toni snorts.   
“Yeah she’s hot. Seems nice once you get to know her. Why do you ask?” Toni asks and I shrug.   
“No reason just curious.” 

Cheryl POV  
“So Veronica invited me and Juggie to go out of town on some couples weekend.” Betty says from the other side of the phone and I nod while I pace around the bathroom.  
“So go and enjoy your couples weekend with the Hobo king.” I say and she sighs.   
“I don’t want to leave you for a whole Friday through Monday long weekend what if you need something?”   
“Betty, I’ll be fine.” I say, “I’m glad you care but go have fun. I have to go.” I hang up right as I start coughing, a lone pink tulip comes up easily this time. A hint of what could be blood clings to it, I’ll tell Betty when she gets back. The coughing caused tears to pool in my eyes and they start to fall down my face right as Toni walks in the bathroom.   
“Cheryl? You okay?” She asks and I nod.   
“I’m fine Southside Smurfette. You don’t need to worry about me.” I bite back and she holds her hands up.   
“Whoa, I come in peace. Besides, maybe I want to worry about you.” She says and I roll my eyes and storm out of the bathroom, quick to get home and hide away in my room. 

Cheryl: Betty, she saw me crying and she like wanted to comfort me? I think?  
Betty:that’s great! What did you do?  
Cheryl: called her Southside smurfette and stormed away.   
Betty: god Cher, you gotta tell her.   
Cheryl: I think not. 

I put my phone away as my mother comes in my room. “Cheryl I’ll be having company soon, either leave now or don’t come out of your room tonight.” She says looking at her nails.   
“I see you’re still busy with your harlotry.”  
“Don’t talk back, Cheryl. It’s unbecoming.”  
“Not as unbecoming as you selling your body Mother.” I mutter and before I can finish saying mother she’s slapping me across the face.   
“Now, are you going or staying?” She asks me with venom in her voice.   
“Going.” I bite back and push past her, running down the steps to my car. I guess I could go see a movie. 

Toni POV  
“Betty? Why are you calling me?” I ask as I answer the phone.   
“I’m just going out of town and I was hoping you’d keep Cheryl company. But you can’t tell her that I told you to hang out with her.” Betty says and I laugh.   
“Sure Betty where should I go?” I say and she practically squeals.   
“Cheryl texted and said she was going to the Bijou. Try there. Thank you Toni!” 

Cheryl POV  
At the Bijou, I’ve just gotten a drink when Toni comes up. “Let me guess, a cherry cola for Cheryl Bombshell?”   
“My God, you’re everywhere.” I say exasperatedly turning to her.   
“Ouch, what happened to your face Red?” She asks quietly as she reaches out to touch my face.   
“My horrid mother of course. But it’s fine. I’m fine.” I reply.   
“You wanna catch this movie with me?” She asks and I shrug.   
“I don’t see why not.”


	4. Pink Hibiscus: perfect woman

When Betty returns I tell her about the movie, how I barely made it through without coughing. How before the movie I coughed a little bit of blood up too. We’re just in the lounge and everything is okay until Toni walks in and flashes that smile and I start coughing again.   
“Bombshell, you okay?” She asks and Betty looks between me and her.   
“She’s fine Toni, I’m just going to take her to get some water.” Betty says helping me up and smiling softly at Toni. She’s barely got me in the bathroom before I cough up a large pink hibiscus flower and then a few tulips.   
“The pink hibiscus means perfect woman.” I say with a raspy voice before wiping my lip with the back of my hand. Betty is looking at the floor and the toilet.   
“Cher, that’s a lot of blood. How long has it been?” Betty asks.   
“2 months since the first petal.”  
“Geez Cher, maybe you should tell her?”  
“No, Betty. I’m not telling her.”  
“Not telling who what?” Toni says from the doorway.   
“It’s nothin TT, no worries.” I say, shooting Betty one glare and walking to the door.   
“Then what’s with the blood and the flowers?” Toni asks, putting her hand up to stop me.   
“A pink hibiscus means perfect woman.” I say with a shrug.   
“Cher, just tell her.” Betty pleads and I glare.   
“Yeah Red, just tell me.” Toni says and with one look into her eyes I know I have no choice.   
“It’s called hanahaki disease, Betty can tell you more but that’s all I’m saying.” I respond, pushing past her and walking down the hall to my car. 

Toni POV   
“Hanahaki?” I ask and Betty nods.   
“She’s going to die in the next four months.” Betty says.   
“Well why doesn’t she get the surgery or tell however she loves that’s she loves them?” I ask and Betty sighs.   
“Cheryl is hard headed and she doesn’t think the person loves her and she doesn’t want to die and have them blame themselves. It’s a whole big thing.” Betty says.   
“Well we gotta help her.” I say, running a hand through my hair and Betty nods.  
“We’re helping her anyways we can.”  
“I gotta tell Sweetpea.” I say before running off. 

“Pea!” I yell and he spins around.   
“What’s up Tiny?” He says with a big dopey grin.   
“We gotta talk. It’s about Cheryl.”   
“Oh is it about how you’ve got a big old crush on her?” He asks teasingly and I shake my head.   
“She’s dying.” I say and after I explain everything Betty explained to me he just looks stunned.   
“Could it be you?” He asks and I shake my head.   
“I don’t think so. I like her so if it was me it wouldn’t happen would it?”   
“Well shit Tiny I’m not a doctor but maybe because you don’t love her yet or something? I’m not sure. Maybe you should tell her.”   
“I’m not telling her Pea, because if it’s not me that’ll just add extra stress to her plate that she doesn’t need right now. I’m not saying anything and neither are you.” I say and he nods.   
“Alright T, my lips are sealed. Maybe you should go see her tonight?” 

Cheryl POV  
Late that night there is a soft knocking at my balcony door. Confused, I get up and open the curtains to see Toni with a bag from pops in one hand. “How did you get up here?” I ask with a smile. She just shrugs at me.   
“I climbed the trellis. I come bearing gifts.” She says.   
“So you do. What’s all this?”  
“Betty said whenever you were down onion rings seemed to help and I haven’t seen you eat lately so I brought you onion rings and a burger. I would have brought a milkshake but I didn’t think I could climb that well.” She says with a smile.   
“My hero, come in.” I say and she does. She doesn’t ask about the hanahaki, we just talk about life.


	5. Month four

Cheryl POV   
For the next two months, every night that Toni isn’t tending bar at the Whyte Wyrm, She is scaling my trellis and hanging out with me. She holds my hair back when I cough up tulips and hibiscus flowers, cuts through the stems for me with her switchblade. She rubs circles on my back when the roses decide to come up, and fetches me water or tea to soothe my throat after the thorns rip it to shreds. At this point I’m coughing up anything pink and Toni has someone around me at all times. There’s more blood and more pain, it’s hard to breath, but it’s month four. “Red I know you can’t control the flowers but those big ones are extra as fuck.” Sweet pea says and I chuckle a little.   
“That’s true. They take the longest to come out because of how big they are.” I say.   
“Which ones the easiest?” He asks, sitting on the edge of my bed. It’s a night that Toni is at the Wyrm and I didn’t want to be alone so Pea came over.   
“The tulips are the easiest and the roses hurt the most.” I say looking at him fondly. “You know, I love every second I’m around you, big lug. You make me laugh and you refuse to think I’ll die. I think you’re one of the main reasons I’ll be sad to die.” I say and he smiles.   
“Well come on Red, who wouldn’t love you?” He says, just like every other time someone brings it up.   
The first time I pass out at home is that night after Pea leaves and Betty gets there, I convince Betty to let me just rest. “Come on Cher you haven’t even seen a doctor yet. You shouldn’t be passing out until month five.”  
“Betty seriously, I’m just tired. Let’s drop it for now.”

The second time I pass out, I’m at school and I wake up in Sweetpea’s brawny arms which isn’t surprising since he promised to protect me.   
“Pea, where are we going?” I ask quietly and he glances down at me.   
“Nurse, Red. We’re going to the nurse.” He responds.   
“Why?”  
“Because you passed out and you coughed blood all over the place. Those damn roses are shredding you from the inside out, you look like shit, and Betty says you haven’t seen a doctor. It’s been what? Four months? We’re going to the nurse.” He says firmly and I nod.  
“Okay.”

It only takes thirty minutes for my witch of a mother to show up and tell me I’m getting the surgery.   
“Mrs Blossom, Cheryl doesn’t want that.” Betty says.   
“Well I frankly don’t care what Cheryl wants.” My mother spits back and I sigh.   
“I’m not getting the surgery mother.” I say and she sneers.   
“Yes you are.”  
“Just let me die, okay? I just want to die. I’m so tired, I’m tired of all of this and I want to die.” I say with intermittent coughing.   
“Think of it this way Cheryl, you’ll probably die in the table. Four months along? You’d be lucky to live.” My mother says, patting my cheek condescendingly before walking out.   
“Who are you calling Betty?” Sweetpea asks from behind me.   
“Attorney McCoy. I’m getting Cheryl out of this.” She says before stepping out.   
“You okay Red?” He asks me after Betty leaves.   
“I’m just tired.” I say, closing my eyes.   
“Well you get some rest, I’ll wake you when there’s news. Or when Toni gets here.” He says and I smile at the mention of Toni’s name.   
“Okay Pea. Thank you.”

“Cher? I have news.” Betty’s voice says, pulling me back to consciousness. Looking around I notice we’re not at the school anymore.   
“Where am I?” I ask.   
“You’re in my trailer. I got it all set up for you and I’ll take the couch. I just want you to be comfortable Red.” Sweetpea says from the corner of the room.   
“Thank you.” I say.   
“Attorney McCoy got the judge to sign an immediate declaration of emancipation for you so your mom can’t make you have the surgery. You get to stay here.” Betty says, running a hand through my hair.   
“Oh, but wouldn’t it be weird for me to die in your bed Pea?” I ask and he shakes his head.   
“Nah it’ll be okay.”   
“I’ve got to go Cher, but Sweets is staying and Toni will be by later.” Betty says and I nod. It’s hard to breath and hard to move. I’m also really cold.   
“You cold?”   
“Yeah Pea, how’d you know? Are you psychic?” I ask and he laughs.   
“No, I saw you shivering.”  
“Well come here you big lug, you’re always warm and I could use a hug.” I say and he nods, walking over to the bed and kicking his boots off. He pulls me onto his lap. “I’m dying Pea, I know you don’t ever say it but you gotta realize. I’m dying.” I say and he nods.   
“I know Cher, I just got you though. I don’t want to lose you. We just became friends and you’re so young, it ain’t fair.” He says, voice breaking slightly.   
“It’ll be okay.” I say and he shakes his head.   
“It won’t. But I’ll deal. But you’ve gotta tell me who it is, okay? You’ve gotta tell me.”   
“I bet you could guess.” I say, coughing a little at the end.   
“Is it Tiny?” He whispers and I smile.   
“I love that you call her Tiny.” I say and nod. “It is TT.” I start to cough again and he plays with my hair. A tulip comes out and he cuts it with his knife. “Thank you.” I say and he nods looking at the flower intently.   
“You gotta tell her.” He says and I shake my head.   
“No, because she doesn’t feel the same way and if I die I don’t want her blaming herself.” I say and he shakes his head.   
“Get some rest Red.” He says and I nod.   
“Will TT be here soon?”   
“Yeah she will, I’ll wake you up.” He says. 

When I open my eyes next, Sweetpeas is lifting me up. “What’s going on Pea?” I mumble.   
“Shh Cher, it’s okay. Toni’s here so I’m going to let her keep you warm. I need a shower.” He says and I nod as he sets me back onto the bed, right on Toni’s lap. She plays with my hair immediately and Pea sneaks out of the room.   
“I wish this was real.” I say with a sigh.   
“What do you mean? This is real Bombshell.” Toni says back with a laugh.   
“No it’s not, not really.” I say and that’s all I can get out before I start to cough. It’s roses this time, I can tell from the pain before they even get up my throat. Toni cuts the stems and throws them to the side. “That felt like a lot.” I whisper once the flowers have passed.   
“It was ten.” She responds.   
“Mmm ten, that’s more than normal.”   
“I wish the person you love, loved you back.” Toni says and I close my eyes.   
“Me too.”


	6. Truth

Toni POV  
“Dude when are you going to open your eyes?” Sweetpea asks stonily from a chair in the corner of the room.  
“What are you talking about?” I ask  
“Cheryl is dying.” He responds and I nod  
“Yeah I know but there’s nothing I can do about it.” I say and he sighs.  
“Yes there is.”  
“What then? What can I do?” I yell angrily.  
“You could love her!” He says smacking his legs. 

Cheryl POV  
When I wake this time it’s to screaming and an empty bed. Sweetpea is yelling at Toni at the foot of the bed and Betty is watching from the sidelines. “Wake up Toni, it’s you! She loves you!” He screams at her, arms flying wildly with big gestures.  
“What the hell Pea, no she doesn’t. I’m not sure who it is but it’s not me.” Toni growls back.  
“God you’re so blind! Yes it is you.” He yells back and she frowns.  
“How would you know that Pea?” She screams back and Betty glances over to see I’m awake.  
“Guys.” She says.  
“She told me dumbass, and honestly it isn’t that hard to figure it out. Tulips are your favorite. Every flower she coughs up is pink. Pink Hibiscus means perfect woman. Roses are for love. Like how do you not get this?” Pea yells at Toni, completely ignoring Betty.  
“You’re lying!” She yells back and Pea shakes his head. “It’s me.” She whispers.  
“Guys!” Betty yells.  
“What?” Pea yells back and Betty points to me. My eyes are watering now as Toni and Pea turn to look at me.  
“It’s me?” Toni asks again and I don’t say anything, I just stare at her and nod as the coughing starts.  
“Okay Toni, take a walk.” Betty says forcing her out of the room before turning to Sweetpea. “And you, you made this mess. Fix it.” She says pointedly. I start to cry as the coughs hurt more.  
“Hey Cher, I know it hurts but just breathe. I’m sorry.” Pea says as he rushes over to me. I shake my head because I want him to know it’s fine, she would have found out sooner or later. The roses start coming up and they aren’t pink this time, but a deep red. Pea cuts them and goes to throw them away.  
“No, leave them here.” I say and he does. Six deep red roses in my lap. “You know, six roses represent a need to be loved or cherished. And red ones mean I love you.” I whisper, sniffling and it’s like a damn opens up. I just start crying. It feels like I’ll never stop, like I’ll flood the trailer with a monsoon. Pea holds me in his arms and lets me cry for what feels like hours. “Hey Pea.” I say quietly as I start to settle down.  
“What’s up Cher?” He asks.  
“I love you. If today’s the day I die, you should know I love you.” I say and he shushes me, plants a kiss on my forehead, and let’s me cry some more. I’ve just stopped when Toni walks into the room quietly.  
“If you came back to yell some more then you can leave, she just stopped crying.” Pea says as I play with one of the roses.  
“I’m not here to yell.” Toni says and I can feel Sweetpea nod before lifting me up. I know he’s going to put me in Toni’s lap and I’m too tired to care anymore. “I uh, could have bought you flowers but I thought that’d be in bad taste.” She whispers and I laugh.  
“Oh ow, it hurts to laugh TT.” I whisper.  
“What else hurts?” She asks.  
“Everything, breathing. Moving.” I whisper and place my head against her chest to hear her heart. “I like the sound of your heart beat.”  
“I love you Cheryl.” She blurts out.  
“You do?”  
“I do.” She whispers.  
“You’re not just saying it? Because that would be cruel. To get my hopes up.”  
“No, I’m not just saying it.” Toni says, dropping a kiss to my hairline. I smile big at the feeling.  
“I would kiss you, but I’m really tired.” I respond, closing my heavy eyes.  
“Get some sleep Cher.” She whispers and I nod. Sleep sounds good.


	7. The rise and fall

The more time that passes, the better I feel, we have our first date at pops. “Tell me about your life TT?”  
“My parents died when I was young, I sleep at peas a lot to avoid my uncle, I adore the color pink, and I like photography.” She says and I smile.  
“I adore you.” I say back and she smiles. 

When we hold hands in school the first time, Reggie Mantle makes a distasteful joke and Sweet Pea knocks him out, getting suspended in the process. “You didn’t have to do that for me you big oaf, I don’t care what Reggie says.”  
“You know me Red, I keep my friends safe.” He says with a shrug. 

Toni meets Nana Rose, who insists on calling her Antoinette, and I move back into Thistlehouse. The doctor says with certainty that the disease is almost gone, just a few roots spots left. We celebrate that night, wrapped up in each other.  
Fall sees the start of a new school year and a shift in Toni and I. She butts heads with Jughead on something and he threatens to kick her out.  
“Who does he think he is? I mean, FP passed it down to him but my family is the original serpent bloodline. He can’t just boot me out.” She exclaims as she paces back and forth across my bedroom.  
“I know baby.” I say as soothingly as possible.  
“No you don’t Cheryl, you don’t know. This is my family.” She says and leaves my room. That night I cough up a yellow carnation and google tells me it’s meaning I disdain or rejection. I press it into an old scrapbook and jot it down with the date. September 15th, yellow carnation, disdain or rejection.  
Toni and I don’t talk for a few weeks, she claims to need space to clear her head. And I don’t tell anyone about the carnations, but Betty looks at me weird each time I cough. I tell her it’s a cold although I know it’s not that, Toni is falling out of love with me and when I die I’m not taking Betty down with me.  
October 20th brings me troves of forget-me-nots, they don’t hurt too badly since they’re so dainty. And their meaning is pretty clear. Forget me not, don’t go, don’t leave. Toni is off with her new gang, the Pretty Poisons. She started them up, an all girl gang that takes up more of her time than I do. Sweet pea keeps me company most days when Toni cannot.  
“Hey baby, I can’t do a movie tonight. I have to do some stuff with the poisons. Maybe another day?” Toni says through the phone.  
“Yeah baby no problem.” I say and she hangs up without saying goodbye. I cough up a large orange lily and I put it in the book. January 23rd, orange lily, hatred. It’s after the forget-me-nots and after the carnations. There’s also others in the book. October 19th, anemone, fragility. November 27th, cyclamen, separation. December 25th, petunia, resentment.  
“Hey Pea, up for a movie night?” I ask when he answers the phone.  
“Toni bail on you again?” He asks as I stare at the flowers in the book.  
“Yeah.” I say, clearing my throat.  
“I’ll be over in ten.”  
When Sweetpea comes over he convinced me to watch some horror movie and halfway through I have to go to the bathroom. When I come back he’s staring at the scrapbook.  
“What’s this Red.” He says through gritted teeth.  
“It’s...they’re flowers Pea.” I say squaring my shoulders and standing up straight and he just nods his head.  
“I can see that, but why have you got dry flowers with dry blood on them?” He asks, sparing no glances in my direction.  
“It’s back Pea, and I didn’t want to tell you guys because it almost killed you before.” I say softly and he spins around.  
“No, Cheryl it almost killed you before. How long?” He asks and and I shrug. “How long Cheryl?” He asks again, softer this time, less demanding.  
“September 15th.”  
“Four months?! Four months Red? And you haven’t told anyone?” He screams and I shake my head.  
“The blood started awhile back and I just couldn’t bring myself to tell you guys. How am I supposed to say that I think Toni is cheating and she doesn’t love me anymore? How am I supposed to tell you that I’m going to die because of your best friend?” I ask with tears streaming down my face. “I made it to five months before and I’ll do it again. I haven’t passed out yet.” I say and he nods.  
“I’m staying with you until this gets figured out. No arguments. You understand me?” He says and I nod. He wraps me in a hug tightly. “I don’t want to lose you Cheryl.” He whispers.  
“I’m sorry.”  
“I’m calling Betty.” He says next and I huff out a sigh.  
“Fine.”

“Four months Cheryl?!” She screams at me  
“Yes Ponytail, four months. I’m sorry, okay?” I say back as Betty barges into the room. “Can’t you let me die in peace?” I say sarcastically and she scoffs.  
“No. Does Toni know?”  
“No Toni doesn’t know, Toni is too busy with Peaches and her Pretty Poisons to even see me more than once a week.” I say rolling my eyes and Betty’s gaze softens in a way of understanding.  
The next time I cough up flowers, it’s Valentine’s Day and Toni ditches me last minute again. So I’m in Pea’s arms, coughing up yellow chrysanthemums.  
“I never thought I’d have to see this again.” He mutters but doesn’t leave, he cuts the flowers off their stems as close to my lips as possible and wipes my lips down.  
“They mean slighted love.” I say, gasping for air. “It’s month five Pea, I’m tired.” I say and he nods.  
“I know Cher, I talked to the office. You’ll be staying home a while.” He says.  
“You know what I want to do before I die?” I ask quietly.  
“What’s that Red?”  
“I want to go out in the desert. I want to see the desert. It’s warm there and there are nearly no flowers. I hope there are no flowers in heaven or hell or wherever I end up.” I say between wheezy breathes.  
“You’ll end up in heaven Cher, you’re an angel.” Sweetpea murmurs and pulls my closer to his chest.  
“Your heartbeat is strong.” I say and he nods. “Mines not so strong anymore.”  
“Tell you what Red, get through a few more days and I’ll take you to the desert. We can spend all your days out there if you want.” He says and then his phone starts ringing. “Hey Betty What’s up?” He says and she speaks inaudibly on the other side. “No she hasn’t been by. I haven’t seen her.” He says to Betty and again I can’t hear what she says. “Cher wants to go to the desert, let’s make that happen Ponytail. I’ll talk to you later.” He says and hangs up. “Sorry about that Cher.”  
“It’s okay, what did she want?” I ask.  
“You know what she wanted, to see if Toni had come by. I’ve been here every day and I haven’t seen her since last month. She knows that.” Pea grumbles out.  
“She’s supposed to be undercover or something.” I mumble and he laughs.  
“Yeah well you’re here dying and she’s undercover with her gang. Real nice priorities.” He says bitterly.  
“She doesn’t know Pea.”  
“Well She should know.” He says back and I take a wheezy breath in.  
“It’d be easier if she never knew. If she came back and I was just dead.” I say and he sighs. I start to shiver and Sweetpea pulls the blanket up around us. Me between his legs, leaning against his chest like always. He wraps his arms around me.  
“You cold Red?”  
“Yeah but this is better. Your arms are strong Pea.”  
“It’s from beating up Ghoulies.” He says and I chuckle.  
“Promise me when I’m gone, you’ll stay out of trouble. Get out of this town alive and make something of yourself. Promise me that?” I whisper and I can feel him nod behind me.  
“Of course Cher. Anything for you.”  
At 3 in the morning I’m too busy hacking up a flower to notice that Toni has slipped up the trellis and in the balcony. “Geez Cher, is it a rose? It’s taking awhile like the roses did before.” Sweet pea mumbles while he rubs circles on my back. I nod because it feels like a rose. A thorny rose, shredding up my throat as it rises. When it comes out, it’s a black rose. Covered in blood and darker than the night sky.  
“Black. Death.” I rasp out. “Will you put it in the book please Pea?” I ask and he nods.  
“Yeah Red. Of course.”  
“What the fuck?” Toni asks and I spin around so fast to see her standing there.  
“What are you doing here?” Sweet pea says through gritted teeth, clenching his fists tightly at his side.  
“What am I doing here? What are you doing here? What’s going on?” She demands.  
“What’s going on? What’s going on is that Cheryl has been coughing up followers since September, that’s five months now Toni. And you’ve been too preoccupied to notice which is probably why she started coughing them up again in the first place. So what are you doing here?”  
“Pea calm down.” I whisper and he grunts.  
“Don’t tell me to calm down Cher. I want to beat her ass. We haven’t heard from her in god knows how long and now here she is climbing up the trellis like some kind of fucked up Romeo? No. Fuck that. Guess what Toni, Cheryl is dying. The least you could do is let her do it in peace.”  
“She’s my girlfriend Sweetpea.” Toni grits out.  
“Well some girlfriend you are. Where are you? I’m here everyday I never see you. How’s Cheryl supposed to feel like this love isn’t one sided when she’s the only one here?” He takes the book of flowers and throws it at Toni. “Look at all that, look at what you’ve missed. I know you say you love her Toni but I don’t see it.”  
“What do you know about love sweet pea? Who have you loved?” Toni yells at him and he throws his hands into the air.  
“I love Cheryl too damn it, but I’m not the one she’s coughing up flowers over and I’m not the one that disappeared.” He yells and I swear for a minute it looks like he might hit Toni.  
“Toni, leave.” I say and she does without a fight leaving me and Pea alone in the room.  
“Will you help me to bed Pea?”  
“Of course Cher.” He says softly.  
“Will you hold me?” I ask quietly and he nods. Once we’re situated in the bed I rest my head over his heart. “You love me Pea?” I murmur and he holds me a little tighter.  
“Yeah I love you Red.”  
“I’m sorry you’re not the one I’m coughing up flowers for.”  
“If it was me you loved, there’d be no flowers to cough up Red. Get some sleep.” He whispers, holding me closely as I close my eyes.  
“Maybe I should go to a doctor, get the surgery.” I say quietly.  
“We’ll go in the morning.”


	8. Amnesia

Toni POV  
When I end up at Betty’s house, I know she knows by the look on her face.   
“So you found out huh?” She says and I nod. “Do you even love her?”  
“I’m not sure anymore. My heads been jumbled and I’ve been so angry. Something doesn’t feel right.” I say and she nods.   
“She’s going to die.” Betty says quietly.   
“I never wanted that.”

Cheryl POV  
“You ready Cher?” Betty asks, rubbing my arm and buckling me in.   
“Yeah Betty, I’m ready.” I respond and she smiles softly before going around to the drivers side of her mom's station wagon. Sweetpea is in the back seat, an unreadable look on his face.   
“Have you heard from her?” I ask and I know they both know I’m talking about Toni.   
“She texted me last night after she left. Said she never meant to make you feel like this.” Sweetpea says and I nod.   
“She came to my house. Said that she was trying but that something wasn’t right. She doesn't want to be the reason you die.” Betty says and I scoff.   
“Well how’s that working out?” I say bitterly and Sweetpea leans forward, resting his hand on my shoulder.   
“Let’s not worry until we hear from the doctor.” He says quietly. 

“We’ll Miss Blossom, I’m sure you know second bouts of hanahaki aren’t unheard of but they are unlikely. The surgery is complicated but I’ve had five successes and at this time, it’s your only option if you want to live.” The doctor says to me while looking at my scans.   
“And what about side effects?” Betty asks.   
“Well, many people find that they lose memories of the person they love, no longer love them or what not. It’s like amnesia in a way. Some people get an extreme disconnect emotionally but the new technique I developed should render you normal just minus the feelings for whoever it is you love.” The doctor explains plainly.   
“So she could still be happy?” Sweetpea asks and the doctor nods.   
“Given how invasive it is and how much growth the roots have I say tomorrow is our best bet. Waiting much longer would be detrimental and most likely make your case inoperable.” He says and I nod.   
“Then let’s do it tomorrow.” I say plainly and he nods.   
“First thing in the morning, I’ll have it scheduled. Head over to the hospital downtown and we’ll have you put in a patient room for the night.” He says before leaving.   
“You sure you want to do this Cher?” Betty asks.   
“She doesn’t love me, it’s this or die right? And I don’t think I want to die yet. Is Toni in town?”   
“She told me she was going to go to Toledo for a bit, get her GED on her own instead of graduating.” Betty says.   
“Does she know about the surgery?” I ask quietly and Betty shakes her head.   
“She just wanted you to have peace, didn’t want to be around I guess.” Betty shrugs.   
“Do me a favor, both of you, don’t tell her.”   
“Of course Cher.”  
“Whatever you want Blossom.” Pea says, resting a hand on my shoulder.   
“And another thing, if I end up like my mother just kill me, okay?”   
“Okay.” Sweetpea says. 

When I wake up in the hospital, sweetpea is there. “Hey stranger.” I say quietly and he chuckles, tears in his eyes.   
“You’re awake.” He says and I nod.   
“I’m awake.”   
“And you feel good?” He asks and I shrug.   
“My chest hurts. Did they get it all?” I say, only semi aware of what’s going on.   
“Yeah. What do you remember?” He asks, reaching out to hold my hand.   
“I remember this girl, vaguely but not really. And flowers, I think? And a lot of pain. So much pain. And you. You were always there for me. But the rest is blank, are we together or something Pea? I can’t really remember.”   
“No we’re not together Red. And that’s all normal. The doctor said it’d be like this but that it’s best to not try and make you remember anything. Just in case the flowers grow back.”  
“Why were there flowers? Can you tell me that?” I whisper and he nods.   
“It’s called hanahaki, it meant that the person you were in love with didn’t love you. But they took the flowers out and that wiped the memories of wherever that person was.”  
“Not a surprise that someone didn’t love me I suppose.” I say with a sigh.   
“Hey, don’t worry about that Cher. Because I love you. Lots of people love you, so don’t start thinking you’re unlovable because of one dumbass who didn’t know any better.” He says and I smile.   
“Thank you Pea, is Betty around?”  
“She’s in the cafeteria. I’ll have her come up.” He says pulling out his phone. I feel okay in this moment. I feel alright. 

I graduate on time, miraculously, with Betty and Jughead and Sweetpea all by my side. Sweetpea and I move up to New York City after graduation. Veronica moves there too, her and I are going to NYU together and Pea says he’s just happy to be along for the ride. The doctor says I’m in remission and that so far the surgery has left me cured for all intents and purposes. I go for business and fashion, always looking forward. My life feels right with sweetpea so when he asks me on a date, I say yes without hesitation.


	9. Authors note

Contemplating deleting this/giving up on it. The plans I have for this do involve Cheryl and sweetpea dating but it glosses over that to more of her trying to move on with her life and not knowing anything she’s missing. She’s set to meet Toni again and be with Toni in the end but for this part she’s not. Like I said, contemplating deletion unless you guys want to see what I’m set to do with it. Just let me know I suppose.


	10. Return to Riverdale

When Sweetpea proposes I say yes, because marrying my best friend has always been a dream. And he’s an amazing dad to our kids from the moment they're born. But something always feels wrong about being with him, I know that a strong man with good morals is what is the regular dream but something was missing between him and. It was like a disconnect, something felt wrong from the first time he kissed me but I went along with it anyway. So when a drunk driver hits him on the streets of New York, and he dies in a hospital bed, the kids and I move back to Riverdale. I’m upset at the loss of the father of my children and upset at the loss of my best friend but not really upset about the loss of my husband, I can’t tell Betty though because that just makes me sound terrible.   
“Hey Cher, how are you holding up?” Betty asks as we sit watching movers load boxes into Thistlehouse, the home that has laid dormant since Nana Rose died years before.   
“All things considering I’m pretty good.” I say back, bouncing my youngest son on my knee.   
“Hey Cher!” Jughead yells as he comes up the drive.   
“Hey Jug!” I shout back.   
“Man these guys are getting big, how old are they again?” He asks and I laugh.   
“Theodora is six and she is a trouble maker. Joseph is four and still a little shy. And Percy here is 18 months old and always so so happy.” I say tickling Percy’s cheeks at the end of my sentence. “I was thinking we could do something fun today, me and the kids. Maybe go to the park.” I say with a shrug and Betty smiles.   
“You, Theo and Joey can do whatever you want but I am stealing Percy and his happy self to spend the day with good old Aunt Betty, isn’t that right Percy?” Betty smiles at him and he smiles and claps, reaching out for her. I hand him over with a laugh.   
“Alright you take Percy I’ll take the two trouble makers down to the park by Sweetwater river.” I say before rising and gathering some things.   
“Say bye Mama.” Betty says as she makes Percy wave. I lean down and kiss him before I load the other two in the car. 

“Joseph do not pull your sisters hair!” I yell out at my son as he plays with his sister.   
“Sorry Mama.” He replies and then goes back to playing.   
“Cheryl? Cheryl Blossom?” Comes the voice of a woman and I turn.   
“Yes and you are?” I ask the woman before me, tanned skin and brown hair with deep brown eyes that are staring back at me.   
“I’m Toni, Toni Topaz.” She says back and I smile.   
“Do I know you?”   
“We uh went to high school together but you were really sick. I thought you had died honestly.” She says running a hand through her hair nervously.   
“Oh no, I got a life saving surgery and then Sweetpea and I decided to keep our life private. I just moved back here.” I respond and she sits on the bench next to me.   
“Wow. So where is Sweetpea?” She asks me and I smile grimly.   
“My daddy is in heaven and Mama doesn’t like to talk about it.” Theo says firmly making me chuckle.   
“It’s okay Theo, go play with your brother.” I say smiling at her as she runs off.   
“Two kids?” Toni asks.   
“Three actually. I’m really sorry but do I know you? You’re vaguely familiar.” I say and she nods.   
“We knew each other once but I made some mistakes and couldn’t deal with them.”  
“Well something about you is oddly comforting. I’m having a cookout and you’re more than welcome to come, do you know where Thistlehouse is?” I ask and she nods. “Good. 6 pm, you should come. It’ll be fun.” I say and she nods. 

“Betty, I met the most alluring woman.” I say as I walk in the front door of Thistlehouse.  
“Oh? Who was it?” Betty asks and I smile.   
“Her name is Toni Topaz.” I say and she stops chopping vegetables for the kabobs and looks at me.   
“I’m sorry, did you say Toni Topaz?” She asks and I nod.   
“Yes, is there a problem?”   
“Not a problem per se, but how do you feel?” Betty asks and I smile.   
“Happy, like a part of me was missing and is now back.”  
“You look happier than I’ve seen in awhile.” She says and I shrug.   
“Don’t get me wrong I loved Sweetpea, but maybe I never fully was in love with him, you know?” I say and Betty nods.   
“Oh I know, I was just waiting on you to figure it out.” Betty says teasingly and I laugh.   
“She’ll be here for the cookout so let’s get chopping.” I say with a smile and Betty laughs, picking up her knife to keep chopping.


	11. Authors not

Hey guys I haven’t updated this one in a while but is anyone interested in seeing it move forward? I have major writers block so feel free to give me your ideas on what you want to see either in the comments or come hit me up on tumblr your-gayest-nightmare.tumblr.com


	12. The cookout

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys, sorry it’s been so long I’ve had writers block and during these times I’m an essential worker and work has been crazy please enjoy this update and hopefully I’ll have another one soon you can message me on tumblr if you want your-gayest-nightmare.tumblr.com

6 o’clock comes and the cookout is in full swing already. Theo and Joey are running around, playing with the other kids and Percy is on my hip as I stand with Jughead who’s grilling.   
“Look who showed up.” Betty says and the woman from before is following behind Betty awkwardly.   
“Toni!” Jughead says awkwardly and I begin to think there’s something I don’t know.   
“Hey Juggie.” Toni says with a nod. The tension is palpable.   
“Toni I’m glad you could make it.” I say and Percy makes happy noises as he points to her.   
“Well I think I might grab a seat for a minute.” Toni says and I smile.   
“I’ll come with you.” I say and we go to one of the picnic tables.   
“So what brought you back to Riverdale?” Toni asks and I smile sadly.   
“After Sweetpea died I just couldn’t stay in New York so the kids and I came here. Life in Riverdale was good from what I can remember so I figured it’d be a good place to come back too. Plus, I inherited this big house when Nana Rose died and I figured it would be a waste to not use it.” I explain and she nods.   
“I heard about Nana Rose, I didn’t know you had gotten the property. They left that out of the obituary I suppose.” Toni says and I sigh.   
“Yeah Sweetpea likes keeping our life private. He didn’t want to move back here, that’s why the house stayed vacant for so long. But it just felt like the thing to do.” I say, bouncing Percy on my lap. I watch as Betty and Jughead get Theo and Joey plates of food and come over here.   
“So Topaz, how are my serpents?” Jughead asks and I look between them oddly.   
“Well they aren’t your serpents anymore Jug, you passed the torch remember?” Toni says teasingly.   
“Oh no I know but hey, once a serpent always a serpent right? Even in retirement.” Jughead says and Toni smiles.   
“That is true, especially for the former serpent king.” Toni says and I just have growing confusion and a sense of Deja vu.   
“Former Serpent king is small potatoes compared to the reigning serpent queen.” Jughead says and Toni laughs.   
“You make a good point. But we’re all good. Staying clean.” Toni says and Jughead nods.   
“That’s really good.”

Later in the evening, it’s just the adults as the kids have gone to bed. I’m drinking wine by the fire Jughead lift and head a car pull up.   
“No worries everyone, Veronica Lodge is in the house!” Veronica says as she rushes into the backyard. I immediately get up and run to hug her, laughing loudly. “Oh my god look at all of you guys!” She says looking around, her eyes stop on Toni and her expression falters.   
“TT. Surprised to see you here.” She says and Toni smiles at her lightly.   
“Yeah hey Veronica. I ran into Cheryl at the park and she invited me.” Toni explains and Veronica smiles and nods. Something about that nickname pulls me back though. To pink hair and stolen kisses. The taste of blood. 

***“TT, I’m glad I have you” I say and the girl laughs, I can’t see her face.   
“I’ll always be here for you Cheryl. Forever.” She says and I feel loved. ***

“Cheryl? You okay?” Betty asks and I shake off the memory.   
“Yeah I’m fine.” I say and I look at Toni, thinking of roses and a pink hibiscus. 

“Hey Betty?” I ask after everyone has left or gone to bed.   
“Yeah Cher?” She asks.   
“That disease I had? I coughed up flowers right?” I ask and Betty looks at me worriedly.   
“Yeah why? Are you having problems?” She asks and I shake my head.   
“‘No I was just curious.” I say back and she smiles.   
“You can talk to me about anything okay?” Betty says and I nod.   
“I know.”

That night I dream. I dream of strawberry milkshakes, movies at the bijou, and motorcycle rides going far too fast. I dream of laughter and soft lips kissing mine. I dream of the feelings that seem so close but so far away at the same. I dream of what I think could be, what might have happened. And I wake up confused. So terribly confused.


End file.
